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A cutting comment can make you feel “diminished,” says June Tangney, a psychology professor at George Mason University whose research focuses on shame and guilt.
“The times we feel hurt, it’s typically when we feel rejected or criticized or put down in some way, and that’s not so much embarrassment as it is shame,” she says. “And sometimes when people feel shame they do buy into the notion that they are flawed in some way.”
This is when anger and conflict can creep into the picture. “Hurt feelings [can] elicit aggression, but I think hidden in there is this sense of being rejected and being found wanting,” Tangney says.